To know what you say to a a college student who has lost a family memeber and in grief…read on this article..!
Introduction
Emotions are complex to comprehend, particularly the feeling of sorrow which is one of the deepest and most individualized emotions. Going through the process of grief, exhibiting your feelings, and learning to adapt and move past it when experiencing the loss of a loved one can be deemed as an impossible task for anyone to tackle. Student are in Grief after a deeply-felt loss can trigger a range of emotions, from a sadness that lingers, always hovering in the background, to a whole emotional turmoil that turns your world upside down.
Student experience grief due to loss of family member
However, for a student at college, it can be even more overwhelming. The transition of a student’s life from school to college is a significant change that demands a great extent of development as well as maturity. This is also coupled with the excitement of newfound individuality, misperception, anxiety, and heaviness. When throwing grief into this emotional rollercoaster, it is easy to understand how difficult it may be to handle the wide scale of emotion that a college student may experience. Students may find it extremely testing to communicate the intensity of their sorrow, rage, anxiety, relief, or even confusion. Grief can be deemed as an overpowering weight that has a great influence on academic performance, the social aspect of one’s life as well as overall behavior.
The experience of losing a loved one is difficult. There is an inability to put into words how challenging it is for a college student. In short, when conversing with a student experiencing a loss, it is key to be mindful, present and authentic and always be willing to listen.
- There is an insurmountable amount of academic strain.
- It is their first time being away from home
- They may be too far to travel to their family
- College is supposed to be “ the best time of your life.”
- Peers and faculties may be insensitive and tell you to “move on with life.”
What do you say to a college student that is grieving?
- Listen more, talk less.
It is perfectly fine to express your own feelings and demonstrate that you care and are concerned; however, it should be as brief as possible. Keep the attention on the individual who is grieving and give them ample space and time to express their feelings. Consider saying something like “I know this is hard for you,” and then offer your time and attention and be present as a good listener or even a shoulder to cry on.
- Allow emotional expression
Young adults processing grief are constantly told to “be strong” or to “toughen up” or invalidate their feelings. However, a more effective strategy would be to provide them with an open space to express their emotions, as this is an important aspect when grieving. This may indicate that you have to watch someone experience rage, egotism, or simply just be overpowered by grief. You can allow them to know it is a safe space to vent by simply saying, “How do you feel about this?” and in return, you can validate whatever their answer may be.
- Provide learning support
The student may encounter difficulty when concentrating or learning while in the process of grieving. They may benefit from extra tuition, additional support, or temporary changes in their test dates and other classroom demands. Talk to the individual, their parents or guardians, and other key stakeholders at the college, such as coaches or student organizations. This network can be deemed as a source of supplementary support.
- Let the student decide how their return to college is handled.
It is key to enable the individual to decide how they return to school after the death of a loved one. Some individuals wish to tell their peers about the death themselves, while others would not want to mention it. Some may only wish to hear the words “Welcome back.” However, others may prefer nothing to be said. Ask the individual and keep in contact with them.
Furthermore, the individual may wish not to address the issue immediately upon their return; however, they may wish to address it at another time in the near future. Many grieving students express that while they wish that the death can be acknowledged in some manner, this can be privately or within the classroom, they also do not want to bring unwanted attention to themselves.
- Reach out to the student and their family
If possible, it is good to reach out to the family of the grieving student. As a demonstration of support, it may be helpful to reach out to the family by means of a phone call or a card offering your condolences and/or, if suitable, a short home visit to express your concern and condolences. This can contribute to helping the student to re-acclimatize
- Further assistance
If the individual exhibits or reports an extreme difficulty with social, academic, emotional, or family functioning or in the event that the student expresses intense depression, unmanageable anxiety, inability to focus, or has an intense desire to “be with the deceased loved one” it is key to refer them to the suitable college personnel. This may include a guidance counselor, social worker, or even a college psychologist. This person can help by assessing them and prescribing the best strategy of treatment.
Conclusion
The bottom line is to always lead with your heart in such circumstances. Be real but also be aware that your words, as well as your actions, can make a huge difference, and therefore, must be considered heavily. The key opportunity you can offer a grieving individual is that of enabling them to express their emotions freely and validating them. You can be a lifeline in their daily struggle of facing and accepting grief.
Frequently asked questions
- What should I not say to a person experiencing loss?
Avoid clichés such as “ I know what you are going through,” “I lost a loved one at your age,” or ” I know this is challenging, but remember the good”
- What should I get from a person experiencing loss?
A card offering your condolences or even a bouquet of flowers.
