Didn’t Get Sorority Big You Wanted?

So, the anxiety is all over and your sorority big finally gets revealed to you. But she is not who you wanted; what’s worse, she’s just a random sorority sister you have not even spoken much to. You are heartbroken and do not know what to do. Your first intuition is to shout fowl and storm out of the sorority, but doing that won’t help in any way. So, what should you do in this case?. Let us know ‘Didn’t Get Sorority Big You Wanted?’.

Well, if you do not get the sorority big you wanted, then the first thing you should do is calm down and try to see things from a positive angle. Then, put in the effort to know the sorority big you got matched with and try to be her friend. If that doesn’t work, you can choose to get adopted by another sorority big. Read on to find out more about what to do if you did not get the sorority big you wanted. 

What to Do If You Do Not Get the Sorority Big You Wanted?

Sorority big little is a great concept and a way for new sorority members to used to sorority life. Your sorority big is meant to be your mentor, but she can also be your companion, confidant, and best friend. This is what makes it such a big deal and why you will feel heartbroken if you end up with a different sorority big other instead of the one you wanted. The following are the best ways to act and cope if you find yourself in this situation. 

1. Be Positive and Put in Effort to Know the Sorority Big You Got 

That you got matched with a different sorority big instead of the one you wanted doesn’t mean you can’t still develop a relationship with the one you got. The truth is, there is a chance that you may not have had a great relationship with the sorority big you wanted even if you had been matched with her. This is because you possibly won’t have known all there is to know about that person with just a few dates. So, who’s to say you can’t still try to have a great relationship with the sorority big you got matched with? 

How to Stay Positive If You Do Not Get the Sorority Big You Wanted?

Look at it from this angle, some sorority chapters match big little with the random selection method. With this method, you do not get a say in who becomes your sorority big. Your big would just be matched to you randomly. If this were the case, you won’t even be thinking that you did not get the sorority big you wanted. You will just have to make the best with whoever you were matched with. 

So, if you do not get matched with the sorority big you wanted, do not let it bother you too much. Instead, try to see things from a positive angle. If it will help, think of the fact that your chapter may have been operating the random selection method. Or that you could have ended up not liking the sorority big you wanted. And then try to build a relationship with the big you got. Make efforts to get to know her. Hang out with her, ask her advice and her opinion on matters, and make her your friend. Hopefully, you will end up making it work between the both of you even though she wasn’t who you wanted in the first place. 

2. Become Friends with Your Sorority Sisters

It doesn’t matter if you were matched with your desired sorority big or not, you need friends in your sorority and you do not have to limit these friends to those in your sorority family. However, this need is even more pronounced if you didn’t get the sorority big you wanted and if you cannot become friends with the one you got despite your efforts. 

How to Build Friendship Within Your Sorority?

If you are not the type that makes friends easily, making friends outside your sorority family will equally be difficult. However, the following tips can help you achieve this a whole lot easier: 

  • Do Not Be Shy to Make the First Move: if there is someone in your sorority whom you would like to become friends with, do not be shy to reach out to them first. It may seem weird but give it a shot. 
  • Attend Events: When you attend events, people in your sorority will notice you and would likely want to interact with you and friendship can be built from there.
  • Plan Activities for your sisters: You can plan fun activities like movie nights, book reading, and so on for your sisters. Sorority sisters love to have fun and bond, so, they most likely won’t turn down your invitation.
  • Give a Helping Hand: extend a hand of help and friendship to sisters you’d like to become friends with. For instance, if there’s an event and your sorority’s sister doesn’t have a car, you can offer to drive them to and from the event.

3. Get Adopted by Another Sorority Big 

Let’s accept it. Sometimes, a big little relationship just does not work out despite how much effort was put in. This is especially true if the sorority big you got isn’t the one you wanted. So, if you try your best to become friendly with the big you got and it just isn’t working out, you should not continue to force it. Especially when it seems like your big isn’t even interested in making it work. 

In this case, you can simply get adopted by another big. What does it mean to get adopted by another big? Well, it simply means you will stop being the little of your current big and then get another older sister to take you as her little. But before you choose this option, let’s look at how good an idea it is. 

Is Becoming an Adopted Little Bad? 

Some people would rather not get adopted into their sorority. This is not because getting adopted is a bad thing, however, it is not an advisable thing to do. This is because of the many dramas that ensue whenever a big adopts a little. 

But, if the relationship between you and your big is not working at all, getting adopted by another big may be the best option for you. And you can avoid all the whole drama that happens with getting adopted so long as you go about the process the right way. Also, before you consider adoption, you should know that adoption isn’t exactly an official event. You won’t get a Big Little Reveal when you get adopted. Instead, your adoption will just be announced on a platform that the sorority sisters will see, like Instagram. 

How To Get Adopted?

If you have properly considered everything and you have decided that you want to get adopted by a new big, then you should do things the right way to avoid drama. One of the things that cause issues during this process is when a little does not tell her original big of her intention to get adopted but instead starts looking for a new big without informing her original big. When the original big gets to learn about the adoption, she most likely will feel annoyed by it and it might cause some issues. 

So, this is the first thing you should try to avoid. Before doing anything else, make sure you tell your original big that you want to get adopted. Ensure she understands the reason why you are opting out of the relationship so it does not cause issues later on. 

Now, you can start looking for a new big. If you already have someone in mind, then you can approach her and find out if she can adopt you. If you do not have someone in mind, try to find another sorority big by hanging out with older sisters that you think may be able to adopt you. Once you find someone and they agree to be your big, then you can get adopted by them and the adoption announcement can be made on social media. 

4. Drop Your Sorority 

Most people won’t advise you to drop your sorority just because you do not like the sorority big that you got matched with. But this is the last resort if every other thing you have tried does not work out. But you should know that dropping your sorority may come with some consequences. The major consequence is that you won’t be able to go through rush again until the next formal one. So, it isn’t advisable to drop your sorority over the fact that you did not get the sorority big you wanted. 


If you do not get the big you wanted, you can make the most of the situation and try to connect with the big you got. Hang out with her and hopefully, the relationship between you guys will end up being great. But if this does not happen, then you can choose to get adopted or simply maintain a cordial relationship with your big and become close friends with other sisters in your sorority. The last resort would be to drop your sorority but this option isn’t advisable and you should only consider it if every other option does not work. 

Frequently Asked Questions 

1. What Do You Do If You Don’t Like Your Sorority Big? 

If you don’t like your sorority big, you can focus on building strong relationships with other girls in your sorority. This would help you have a fulfilling sorority life even though you do not have a great big little relationship. Or you could get adopted by a new big you like. 

2. Do Bigs Choose Their Littles Sorority? 

In some chapters, Bigs are allowed to vote on who they would like to have as their littles. Littles will also make their lists of people they would like as their Bigs. Big Littles will then be paired based on the rankings on the list.