College life is not an easy one and can take a toll on a student’s mental health. A college student losing a family member can make it even more traumatizing. Although no quality of words can cause the pain to disappear, the right words go a long way to help the bereaved cope with the loss. Let us know more detail about ‘What To Say To A College Student Who Lost A Family Member?’.
What To Say To A College Student Who Lost A Family Member?
What to say to a college student who lost a family member should be more quality-driven than quantity. This could even mean just being a non-judgmental listener with few words, while on the phone or in the same physical space with them if you are unsure of many adequate words. Empathy is a key requirement here as the words that you say at this point can leave the bereaved feeling better or worse. Bulleted below are some appropriate and empathetic words to say.
Factors to Consider When Thinking of What to Say to a Bereaved College Student
- Relationship between him/her and the lost family member
- The circumstances surrounding the death
- Mode of contact (physical or online)
- Relation between you and the bereaved
Strategies and Sample of Words to Say to a Bereaved College Student
- Be direct: beating around the bush does nothing except make the bereaved student feel stressed. Used clear and direct words like “I heard you lost … to a fatal accident”. Mentioning “fatal accident” may seem scary but it shows that you acknowledge the real state of the situation.
- Be sensitive but truthful: though grieving over a family is sensitive but avoid using unreal words. Acknowledging the pain such as saying “this is a painful loss and unforgettable loss” is truthful and makes one feel understood. Treating a loss too sensitive that you use unrealistic words such as “this will pass and you won’t even remember it” will do more at undermining pain rather than acknowledging it.
- Do not hide your concern and endeavor to pledge your support by making statements such as “I am sorry you had to go through this”, “just know I am available if and when you need me” and “this must be very hard on you but just know that I care and willing to lend a hand” etc.
- Understand how he or she truly feels: do not try to minimize the pain by making statements like “so and so person lost so and so and didn’t break down”, “you should be over this in a few weeks” etc. All these are assumptions that further undermine the pain of the bereaved. You should instead, ask questions to understand how they truly feel. questions like “would you like to eat… sleep… talk about it… etc.”
What should One Avoid Saying to a College Student that Lost a Family Member?
Regardless of the intention, making statements that compare their loss to that of another person should be avoided. This is not the time to tell a story about someone else you know whose loss is by your judgment, MORE but yet handled it the best way.
Statements such as “you should be over this in day or weeks” should be avoided as it places a deadline on how long they are allowed to grieve.
This should not be the time to preach or base the ability to heal fast on how religious they are. Statements such as “he or she is in a better place now” or “trust God, He knows what is better for us” should be avoided.
Don’t say words that equate your concern to knowing exactly how they feel. Instead of saying “I know how you feel”, consider saying “I can only imagine how you feel” instead.
How Much is Too Much to Say?
There is certainly no stipulated number of words that should be said to a college student who lost a family. What to say should not be focused on how many words but on how well these words are said, quality over quantity. The golden rule here is that silence is better than inappropriate words.
Conclusion
The impact of words said to a grieving person cannot be overemphasized. What one says goes a long way in showing support and encouragement which offer great comforts and helps in the overall journey of healing. This is even more important for a college student who has so much to already bother about. The choice of words to say is a two-edged sword as it can make or mar the person’s emotions and overall state of mind.
Frequently Asked Questions
- Can I offer words of encouragement to someone I don’t share a close relationship with?
Yes, you can. Just ensure to keep it simple but empathetic.
- Can I pledge what I cannot offer just to make the person feel better?
As tempting as that may be, don’t do it. Offer to do what you know you can. One of the worst things anyone can do to a grieving person is to deceive them with words, regardless of the intention.
- What if a grieving person seeks the support that you cannot offer?
Politely but state it clearly to let them know that you cannot offer it but give similar options of what you can. You can also offer to help them reach out to people who are likely to offer the kind of s what they seek.
- Which is the better mode of contact; text, call, or physical meetup?
There is no golden rule that applies to what a bereaved person will prefer except you know them well enough to decide this. with exemption to cases where the student clearly states his or her preference, just utilize any the most convenient. The relationship you have with the bereaved is also an important fact to consider in this aspect, as well as your geographical location.
It is also pertinent to note here that there is absolutely nothing wrong with exploring more than one communication means especially if one feels that, just a call or text message may not duly convey your condolences.
