150+ Best Vampire Puns and Jokes

Sink your teeth into this collection of fang-tastic vampire puns and jokes that are sure to make you howl with laughter! From witty one-liners to clever wordplay, these vampiric quips will leave you batty for more. So grab your garlic and get ready to have a bloody good time!

Vampire Puns and Jokes:

1. Why did the vampire read the newspaper? He heard it had great circulation!
2. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
3. Why don’t vampires have more friends? Because they’re a pain in the neck!
4. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A necktarine!
5. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath!
6. What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal? Steak, because it’s well done!
7. Why are vampires easy to fool? Because they’re all suckers!
8. What do you call a vampire with no teeth? A gummy bear!
9. Why did the vampire get a job at the blood bank? He wanted a Type-O position!
10. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The Fang-dango!
11. Why was the vampire always in trouble at school? He was a real pain in the neck!
12. How does a vampire start a letter? Tomb it may concern…
13. Why was Dracula so unpopular at parties? Because he always sucked the life out of them!
14. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
15. How does a vampire keep his breath fresh? He uses Colgate Fang Paste!
16. What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday? Fangsgiving!
17. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was a pain in the neck!
18. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel!
19. Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Stake was too rare!
20. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Bloody rare!
21. What’s a vampire’s favorite cereal? Count Chocula!
22. Why did the vampire get punched in the face? He stepped on a bat-tery!
23. How does a vampire say goodbye? Fangs for the memories!
24. Why did the vampire become a teacher? He loved bat-istics!
25. What do you call a vampire who’s always on time? Punctual.
26. Why did the vampire become an artist? He loved drawing blood!
27. What’s a vampire’s favorite ice cream flavor? Vein-illa!
28. How does a vampire like his coffee? Decoffinated!
29. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin!
30. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport? Bat-minton!
31. How does a vampire like his steak? He doesn’t, he prefers neck roast!
32. Why don’t vampires play baseball? They’re afraid of the bat!
33. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound!
34. How do vampires like to travel? By blood vessel!
35. Why did the vampire buy a boat? So he could go on a blood cruise!
36. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of party? A bloodbath!
37. Why did the vampire go to school? To become bat-ter educated!
38. What’s a vampire’s favorite dance? The Maca-bite!
39. Why was the vampire always calm? He never lost his cool!
40. How does a vampire keep his castle clean? With a broom and “ghoul” dust!
41. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He had coffin fits!
42. What do you call a vampire with a fever? A hot-blooded creature!
43. Why did the vampire become a comedian? He always knew how to coffin up a laugh!
44. How does a vampire keep his skin looking young? With bat-cream!
45. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of ship? A blood vessel!
46. Why did the vampire go to school? He wanted to learn some bat-tics!
47. What do you call a vampire with a candy obsession? Count Chocula!
48. How does a vampire like his soup? Bloody.
49. What’s a vampire’s favorite fast food? A blood burger!
50. Why did the vampire always seem sick? He always looked pale!
51. Why did the vampire get a job at the bakery? He heard they had great turnovers!
52. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of candy? Suckers!
53. Why don’t vampires ever get lost? They always know their way around a neck of the woods!
54. How does a vampire sign his letters? With a fang-tastic signature!
55. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of footwear? Blood boots!
56. Why did the vampire refuse to learn new things? He thought they were just a lot of vein attempts!
57. How does a vampire make friends? By sticking his neck out!
58. What’s a vampire’s favorite genre of music? Bat rock!
59. Why did the vampire go to the party alone? He couldn’t find a suitable ghoul-friend!
60. How does a vampire get around in the snow? By icicle-ing his prey!
61. What’s a vampire’s favorite ride at the amusement park? The roller-ghoster!
62. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin-cold!
63. What’s a vampire’s favorite part of a book? The necks chapter!
64. How does a vampire clean his house? With a vacuum cleaner, of corpse!
65. Why did the vampire get in trouble with the law? He got caught red-handed!
66. What’s a vampire’s favorite flower? A blood rose!
67. Why did the vampire become a computer programmer? He loved coding in byte!
68. How does a vampire keep fit? By doing blood aerobics!
69. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of weather? Blood showers!
70. Why did the vampire become a chef? He wanted to learn how to make a stake dinner!
71. How does a vampire keep his hair in place? With bat spray!
72. What’s a vampire’s favorite subject in school? His-stake-tory!
73. Why did the vampire become a musician? He wanted to join a blood band!
74. How does a vampire decorate his house? With bat-ic flair!
75. What’s a vampire’s favorite board game? Life, because it’s all about sucking the essence out of others!
76. Why did the vampire become a gardener? He loved planting neck-tarines!
77. How does a vampire like his eggs cooked? Bloodied!
78. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of movie? A neck-thriller!
79. Why did the vampire become a detective? He loved solving bat-ty mysteries!
80. How does a vampire propose marriage? With a blood diamond ring!
81. What’s a vampire’s favorite TV show? True Blood!
82. Why did the vampire go to the bar? He heard they had great Bloody Marys!
83. How does a vampire take his tea? With a splash of blood!
84. What’s a vampire’s favorite game to play? Suck and blow!
85. Why did the vampire go to the beach? He wanted to catch some rays!
86. How does a vampire get in shape? By doing cardio, but only after dark!
87. What’s a vampire’s favorite piece of furniture? A blood couch!
88. Why did the vampire become a tailor? He loved making bat-cloaks!
89. How does a vampire cook his meals? With a lot of bat-tering!
90. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Soul, because it’s so draining!
91. Why did the vampire become a librarian? He loved sinking his teeth into a good book!
92. How does a vampire get to work? By bat-mobile!
93. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of soup? Tomato bisque, because it’s bloody delicious!
94. Why did the vampire go to the party? He heard there would be a lot of neck-ing!
95. How does a vampire make coffee? With a lot of scream and sugar!
96. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of art? Blood-splatter painting!
97. Why did the vampire become a banker? He loved making withdrawals!
98. How does a vampire take his medicine? With a glass of blood!
99. What’s a vampire’s favorite sport to watch? Bat-eball!
100. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin-coughing!
101. How does a vampire get around town? By blood bus!
102. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of wine? A full-bodied red, of course!
103. Why did the vampire go to the concert? He heard it was going to be a real scream!
104. How does a vampire get ready for bed? He tucks himself in with a blood blanket!
105. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of art? Fang-tastic!
106. Why did the vampire go to the zoo? He wanted to see the bat exhibit!
107. How does a vampire like his coffee? With a touch of scream and sugar!
108. What’s a vampire’s favorite game? Hide and shriek!
109. Why did the vampire become a lawyer? He loved sinking his teeth into a good case!
110. How does a vampire keep his skin looking youthful? With lots of bat-cream!
111. What’s a vampire’s favorite thing to wear? A blood-curdling scream!
112. Why did the vampire go to the bar? He heard they had great Bloody Marys!
113. How does a vampire write letters? With a blood quill!
114. What’s a vampire’s favorite day of the week? Fangs-giving!
115. Why did the vampire become a comedian? He always knew how to coffin up a laugh!
116. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? Bloody rare!
117. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of boat? A blood vessel!
118. Why did the vampire become a doctor? He loved giving people transfusions!
119. How does a vampire keep his car running? With a bat-tery!
120. What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine!
121. Why did the vampire become a teacher? He wanted to educate the next generation of blood-suckers!
122. How does a vampire like his pizza? With lots of blood sausage!
123. What’s a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation? A bloodmobile!
124. Why did the vampire go to school? He wanted to learn some bat-tics!
125. How does a vampire keep his breath fresh? With lots of fang paste!
126. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of music? Rock and ghoul!
127. Why did the vampire become an artist? He loved drawing blood!
128. How does a vampire like his burgers? Bloody and rare!
129. What’s a vampire’s favorite season? Fang-tumn!
130. Why did the vampire become a musician? He loved playing the organ!
131. How does a vampire like his eggs? Bloodied!
132. What’s a vampire’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Vein-illa!
133. Why did the vampire become a poet? He loved to write bat-ter rhymes!
134. How does a vampire like his coffee? With a little scream and sugar!
135. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of cereal? Count Chocula!
136. Why did the vampire become an actor? He loved sinking his teeth into a good role!
137. How does a vampire like his tea? With a splash of blood!
138. What’s a vampire’s favorite subject in school? His-story!
139. Why did the vampire become a chef? He loved making stake dinners!
140. How does a vampire like his steak? Bloody rare!
141. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup? Tomato bisque, because it’s bloody delicious!
142. Why did the vampire become a banker? He loved making withdrawals!
143. How does a vampire take his medicine? With a glass of blood!
144. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of wine? A full-bodied red, of course!
145. Why did the vampire go to the concert? He heard it was going to be a real scream!
146. How does a vampire get ready for bed? He tucks himself in with a blood blanket!
147. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of art? Fang-tastic!
148. Why did the vampire go to the zoo? He wanted to see the bat exhibit!
149. How does a vampire like his coffee? With a touch of scream and sugar!
150. What’s a vampire’s favorite game? Hide and shriek!